"OH MY GOD! LOOK AT YOUR CRAZY HAIR!!! I LOVE IT!!!!" He yelled, and then was hurried off by the guards.One afternoon in the summer of '93, I was sitting in my room when the phone rang . . .
Karl (my roommate at the time): Hello? . . . Uh . . . Okaaaaay. Jussi, it's for you!Later, I got the whole story from Megan and Heath. Turns out they were having coffee and noticed this commotion outside -- Richard was sitting with a bunch of punks who were all showing him their tattoos. So Heath and Schmeg went out and showed Richard their tattoos, and said "Hey, we have this friend Jussi, who thinks you're really great, and she makes jewelry with your picture on it, and will you sign something for her?" And Richard was like "NO, LET'S CALL HER INSTEAD!!!!" So they walked up and down Newbury Street searching in vain for a pay phone, meanwhile, all these middle aged ladies are coming up to Richard and giving him big bear hugs, and they finally went into this store and asked to use their phone. And then he had to run off to some fundraiser or something. Anyway, I can honestly say that receiving a phone call from Richard was the most random surprise of my life.
Me: Hello?
Richard: HI JUSSI! WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?!
Me (recognizing the voice, but not registering the fact that Richard Simmons might randomly be calling me): Uh . . . who is this?
Richard: IT'S RICHARD SIMMONS!!!!
Me: Yeah, who is this really?
Richard: NO, IT'S REALLY ME!! I WAS ON NEWBURY STREET AND YOUR FRIENDS HEATH AND MEGAN CAME UP TO ME AND TOLD ME WHAT A BIG FAN OF MINE YOU WERE, AND SO I DECIDED WE HAD TO CALL YOU!!!
Me (suddenly overwhelmed): Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Where are you?
Richard: WHAT STORE IS THIS? . . . IT'S AGNES B! IT'S SO FANCY!!! EVERYONE HERE IS SOOOO SKINNY, IT'S LIKE GIVE ME A BREAK!!! YOUR FRIENDS COULD STAND TO GAIN SOME WEIGHT!!!!
Me: Wow! Ha ha ha!
Richard: ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY A QUICK "HI!" I HAVE TO GO, THIS STORE WAS SO NICE TO LET ME USE THEIR PHONE, AND I DON'T WANT TO TIE UP THEIR LINE! OKAY?!
Me: Oh my God. Wow. Ha ha ha!
Now, I'd always had an appreciation for Richard, as one of the louder and crazier celebrities. And I had made a necklace with his picture on it. And a clock, too. But once I started thinking about this incident, I realized that his role went far beyond pop cultural nut. I mean, just putting that extra effort into finding a phone to give me a surprise phone call, when he could have just signed a piece of paper and sent my friends on their way. So a few months later, when he was making an appearance at a mall near my home in N.H., I made a little funny picture book for him, and went along with my mom (who had started me on the path to fan-dom when I was little and she used to watch the Richard Simmons exercise show every day).
The event was part of his "Sweatin' to the Oldies" tour, and he got up on this platform, and invited people up to exercise with him. The place was packed! And he worked up a sweat. Afterwards, he was signing autographs. The line was really really long, and of course, it wasn't moving at all, because someone would get up there, and tell him their whole life story, and start crying, and he'd start crying along with them. Meanwhile, the crowd of middle-aged suburban ladies was getting pretty restless. "RICHAAAAAARD!" "KEEP THE LINE MOVING!" "HURRY IT UP!!!" "COME ON!!!" If everyone had been 25 years younger, it could have been considered a mosh pit. And then I was like "my God, this guy is a total messiah figure to so many people, and he takes the time to listen to all of them, and his life is ALWAYS like this, how does he have the energy? What happens if he's grumpy and just wants to be left alone? How does he deal? How can he keep caring and giving?" Heck.
The line hadn't gotten far at all, but it was time for the mall to close. So all these security guards had to form a human chain to pull him through the angry mob. I passed him my little book, and then me and my mom ran to the outskirts of the crowd, where they were pulling him out, and she took this lovely photo of me giving him a big kiss on the cheek.
"OH MY GOD! LOOK AT YOUR CRAZY HAIR!!! I LOVE IT!!!!" He yelled, and then was hurried off by the guards.
So I thought that was the end of the Richard Simmons saga, but then a few months later, I got this mysterious card in the mail. My address was calligraphied all beautifully, and the return address said it was from California. Inside was this origami-sorta card, like a jacket, with a real music note pin on the lapels. I thought it was from my cool Californian uncle, seeing as he's really into mail art and the return address being from California and all, and then I open it up and it says "Thank you for your beautiful book and your kind words. Your friend, Richard." Alright, so maybe he didn't do the calligraphy all by himself, but the point is, Richard Simmons is more than just that wacky Deal-a-Meal guy. Although he is a prime example of anti-stodge, beyond that, he is a geniunely wonderful, warm-fuzzies kinda guy.
Bring on more nuttiness! Back to Anti-Stodge.
My head hurts. Bring me back to Stodge.